It is almost a shame that I haven't written here for this long time.
I was a bit lazy, crazy, and even dizzy lately!
What can I write here?
Let's talk about a funny phenomenon I have observed recently. But before going on, I should warn you that this post is just a grumbling!
OK! The phenomenon is this:
"If someone needs you, you can see her/him almost every few hours. If s/he doesn't need you anymore, well, you are often forgotten".
There is a guy and his wife in our school who came in the town in the last September. At that time, he felt lonely because he didn't know the place, people were not so helpful for him, and anyway, he needed someone to talk, and get advice.
That's completely alright. I helped him a bit, talked with him a few times a week, and after a while, I invited him and his wife to join me for watching a movie, or going to dinner.
After a few months, his wife returned to their own country, and he became lonelier than ever. This forced him to keep in touch with me more often, and the result was simply that I spent most of my time with him.
I must note that I am a person who likes to be lonely most of the times. I don't like other peoples bother me so much. Also I do not like to accompany an individual (even if she is a girl!) for a long time. I need breaks, I need to meet new people and situations, and then come back to old guys.
However, I felt that I can tolerate this situation and at least eat most of my lunches, and dinners, and drink all my coffees with him. Moreover, I almost always invited him for any program I had for my weekends (which usually is just going to a theatre or having a dinner).
Yesterday, we were sitting in our cafeteria and talking about "scientific" subjects. His phone rang and he started talking with some person. During his phone call, he was arranging a meeting for going to a theatre (the one that we always go) for some specific time. After his phone, he smiled and continued his stupid discussion! That was astonishing for me, since I thought if I have invited some person for every program I had for two or three months, it would have been fair to anticipate being invited for the same kind of things. However, it seems that he'd founded some other person to accompany him, and well, there is no other reason for thinking about you! Damned utilitarianist.
I am not a chauvinist (or I believe I am not!), but I feel a strong correlation between where he was raised and this attitude: you gain something from this person, gain it. You can a gain a better thing from other person, go after him.
This is not all of the story though! In the recent few weeks, I sometimes spent my time in another place in the university. So, he couldn't find me anytime he liked. This resulted in his odd reaction which was complaining about my whereabouts and suggesting that I look suspicious. This behavior makes me so angry! Who does anybody think s/he is that s/he can ask such a stupid question from me? I have the freedom to be anywhere I like, without telling anybody beforehand or afterward. I can tolerate these kinds of comments for the first three or four times, but it is annoying for me if I hear it four times a day, and for a two continual weeks. I am tempting to reply him back with something like "I don't care if you ask such a thing from your wife (though I think you shouldn't), but you cannot ask me such a stupid question!".
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2 comments:
I guess we are in the same boat (at leat I was like that before:)). The situation like yours happened to me at least 4-5 times since I came to The U.S. It's so frustrating. I always blamed myself, since I was the one getting involved to help these type of people. I sacrifices so much of my time and life energy in vain. So, I've stopped these types of help. The last time it happened was a person getting into trouble last year with her postdoc, and she would call me every day for 3 months for sometimes hours to talk! After her problem was solved, she doesn't even call a couple of times a year!
Well, I believe this is really just mutter, because it is so mixed up with with all other stuff such as chauvinism and the guy's relationship with his wife, etc.
Things I see in this simply are:
1. You sure had some good feelings of "seeming nice" to the one you had done something for. So, you've gained something too.
2. Maybe the monotonous behavior in the situation has bored you after a while, and now you're looking for every details such as him going out with somebody else to bother yourself and make an excuse to eliminate him from your life forever. Because, I reckon that it is completely acceptable if someone does not want to see his friends of different genres mixed together!
3. Perhaps a little rest be helpful for you to start analyzing yourself and sorting things up, instead of projecting irrelevant issues over somebody else.
Help only yourself and try to forget about people's stupidity. You cannot change them anyway, you know :)
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